I think words are a very dangerous tool… they are malleable, you could shape them into anything you want them to be. u could use them for the better good or for the alternative. I was telling my friend the other day that information sharing without complete knowledge is like committing a crime… to me its true… politicking and gossiping without complete information has caused some of the greatest wars in history.. and broken some of the best friendships. The worst mistakes can and have been made because of something misheard or something misread. I try to be impartial but i know that i too am very opinionated and that too is a way of spreading rumors, misinformation… But i try and i try hard not to get involved in things that are beyond my realm.
I decided to listen to people more and i realise the more you listen the more you catch those tiny nuances… things that tell you how people feel about you… I think not listening would probably have been a better idea because i got terribly hurt. I started reading this book by Dave Eggers’What is the what’ and i have to admit its probably one of the better books i have read in the last few years, the first few paragraphs are captivating at least but its the way the guy describes things that drew my attention,in regards to my friends at some point he says’ i lost someone very close to me and afterward i believed i could have saved him had i been a better friend to him. But everyone disappears, no matter who loves them.’ That just brought it home for me… I had a really emotional moment right there. Its true he coined a phrase perfectly. Everyone does disappear….after all the years you spend letting people into your life to judge you and hurt you after a while they fizzle away and you wonder was it worth it? There is nothing i hate more then losing a friend. Ok i lie, there is nothing i hate more then finding out one of my friends isn’t really genuine then after that i hate losing a friend. To me its almost like someone died the pain remains and the hollowness is vast i still naively believe in friendship i will drop everything in the blink of an eye to help an the problem with that is im always doing it but in return i get nothing. People tend to be very petty.
Anyway i digress on page 13 of this book [did i mention i just started reading it] he writes ‘I am tired of this country. I am thankful for it, yes, I have cherished many aspects of it for the three years i have been here, but i am tired of the promises. I came here, four thousand of us came here, contemplating and expecting quiet. Peace and college and safety. We expected a land without war and, i suppose, a land without misery. We were giddy and impatient. We wanted it all immediately-homes,families, college, the ability to send money home, advanced degrees, and finally some influence. But for most of us, the slowness of our transition-after five years i still don’t have the necessary credits to apply for a four year college-has wrought chaos. We waited ten years in Kakuma and i suppose we did not want to start all over here. We wanted the next step, and quickly. But this has not happened not in most cases, and in the interim, we have found ways to spend the time. I have held too many menial jobs, and currently work at the front desk of a health club, on the earliest possible shift, checking in members and explaining the club’s benefits to prospective members. This is not glamorous, but it represents a level of stability unknown to some. Too many have fallen, too many feel they have failed. The pressure upon us, the promises we cannot keep with ourselves-these things make monsters of too many of us.’ This is by far one of the most well written books i have seen in the last few years…
America has taught me alot. People are not what they seem and they are definitely not who you think they are. Everybody has a reason to be here and some are more fortunate than others but it would be nice if we remembered why we were here. There are alot of people who came to this country with nothing and from nothing and its a tremendous struggle to just stay alive but nobody seems to notice. Have we forgotten where we came from have we gotten comfortable with what is not ours. Remember it is after all the ‘American’ dream…emphasis on American. Do we want to let go of who we are and our dream for this? If i remember correctly when we had nothing we still had morals and God and each other so what has changed? if nothing else at least we should remember our brothers whose plight is worse than ours and help them, perhaps that might help us absolve ourselves of the sin we commit by living lavishly and spending extravagantly once we begin to forget… Its so sad!! its sad.